They can’t both have it because I folded one

We’ve all played at tables where some jackass will pipe up at the end of a hand with “I would’ve won that with 8-4 off” having folded preflop despite having being faced with a 3 bet to $20 or so and showdown being AA v KK or something similar. It’s annoying to hear but I don’t really let it get to me as it hasn’t affected the outcome or the action during a hand. 

I’m well known for saying stupid things during a hand but it’s only ever been to my own detriment and I’m very careful to not say anything about the contents of a folded hand, either during the hand or even after it. I don’t want to be “that jackass” who pipes up saying he would have won.

I’m a few hours into a 1/2 session and I‘m sat on about $450 and I’m quite a few beers deep. There’s only 1 other person at the table drinking and there’s not a lot of table chat – I don’t think anyone knows each other when a new player joins us (I’ll call him jackass so you can identify him). Now jackass is drinking but he’s not drunk enough to bother anyone, what does bother everyone is he won’t STFU. He’s tried engaging everyone in conversation and he’s that jackass who discloses the contents of every hand he’s folded that would have won. Until this particular hand.

I’m on the button (or maybe the cut-off but for the rest of the story that’s irrelevant) and look down at JJ. There’s been about 3 limps to me and I make it $15 to go. I’d played TAG for the whole session so I’m not expecting this to look like a position raise as most of the other players have been there for at least an hour. It folds round to MP who calls (jackass was in the SB or BB in this hand and had folded). Flop comes AAJ. MP checks and I bet $25 which is called. This screams Ace something – I’m obviously dead to AA but he’s not limped then flat called preflop with that, AJ is possible but improbable given I’ve got 2 Jacks so I’m guessing A-10 or better although AK is improbable since he limped in initially. I’m going to continue to barrel if the turn & river are below 10s and hope my read is good. River is a 4. MP (who started the hand with about $500 so he’d got me covered) bets $50 into a pot of about $90. I’m more than prepared to get stacks in at this point so I raise to $150 – I obviously want him to call or reraise but MP tanks for a while (he’s not hollywooded before this hand so I’m pretty sure he’s not hit a full house) and eventually calls. River is a 2 and MP checks. I announce all in (about $260 into a pot of $400) and MP tanks again – that means he’s definitely not got a house and is replaying the hand whilst muttering to himself trying to work back the action. 

It’s at this point that jackass pipes up and says to his neighbour “They can’t both have it because I folded one – I had Ace two”. The dealer immediately tells him not to discuss his hand but it was loud enough for the entire table to hear. MP keeps muttering to himself and starts aiming some of his talk towards me “I thought maybe I was out kicked but he just said he folded an ace so you can’t have one” shortly followed by “you raised pre without an ace so you’re either bluffing with Kings or queens or you’ve got jacks”. This goes on for a couple of minutes until he sighs and open folds AQ and says “You can only have jacks, I would’ve called if I thought you had an ace”. 

I announce “good fold” and have to show my cards to get a drawing ticket and then proceed to go nuts at the jackass. “You just cost me $260 you half wit” I shout. “He would have called if you’d kept your mouth shut”. Jackass doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong and keeps telling me that I should be glad that he’d folded. 

The floor has been attracted by the commotion (mainly me shouting at jackass) and I’m asked to calm down. At no point have I sworn (I’m usually careful to avoid swearing when berating someone as it comes across far better than just dropping profanities into verbal abuse – usually I swear like my pants are on fire but rarely do when angry) and I calmly explain the situation which is corroborated by the dealer and the table. The floor person warns jackass to not disclose the contents of his hand until all action is over.

Inside I’m absolutely fuming – this fucknut has really pissed me off so the only thing I can do is get stuck into some beers and plot my revenge. Unfortunately he left about ½ an hour after that hand and I didn’t get a chance to get into a hand against him. After he’d left a couple of the other players commented how restrained I’d been as I’d only really had a go at him for about a minute then dropped it. One of the other players said that if it had been them they’d have wanted to take a swing for him.

Having thought this through I think I was more annoyed at jackass’s lack of apology. If he’d apologised I would have let it go but he should be aware that he’s done something wrong since he’s been warned about it so if he’d turned round to me and apologised I would have accepted it. We all make mistakes and being grown up enough to acknowledge and apologise are the traits of a decent individual. Unfortunately he showed none of those traits which is probably why I was silently seething the whole time he was at the table.

One last thought on this – what if I’d been a maniac at the table and was playing loose? If I’d been bluffing and been called due to his outburst could I have blamed him for a call at the end? Obviously not but he would have made a difficult decision a lot easier for my opponent if my playing style had been a lot looser.

What would you have done in this situation? There’s not a lot of recourse to the individual player but is there anything you would have done differently?

Why are my feet so cold?

When I actually get round to categorising my posts I will definitely be including a "How the fuck are people so fucking stupid" category – this will probably go there. Unless I make a category of "stupidest thing ever said by anyone. Ever. In the entire history of the world. Ever" in which case this will be the sole entry.

It's mid-January and I'm sat in an airport waiting for a flight. Unfortunately it's at one of those airports that has security at the gate – I normally prefer this arrangement rather than centralised security as it means I can turn up for boarding as late as possible and know I'll still be allowed to board as long as I make it in time before security closes up, at most airports with centralised security I have to factor in extra time just in case there's a long queue. But today it's a pain because the flight is delayed and they're not allowing people to leave the secure area post the security checkpoint. The only thing post security is a pretty dull area with just about enough seats for passengers to wait on. 

Now anyone who spends a bit of time in airports will probably have noticed that they aren't the most cosy of places to spend an hour or 2 if you're delayed – they are either trying to sell you stuff or get you out of there in as little discomfort as possible. They are also designed practically to keep the place running with the least amount of effort (read time and money) possible. So most airports won't have carpets or any other furnishings that are easily worn out or soiled by the thousands of people who traipse through every day. Check it out next time if you've never noticed it before – most high usage areas will have stone or marble floors rather than carpet. Stone flooring also makes it a bit colder and this actually saves the airport money – most of them have a good deal of glass so airports are notoriously hot and stone flooring helps to cool the place down a bit, saving on air-con costs.

So back to the flight – it's delayed because of bad weather. It's mid-January so it's not uncommon for this time of year – whilst most of mid Europe doesn't get anything like the snowfall and bad weather of the north eastern part of the US it's still pretty common for temperatures to be around freezing and there is still snow on the ground from the last heavy snowfall the previous weekend (it's now Friday). I'm sat down in the holding area and a lady starts talking (at this point I don't know who to as she's behind me). She talks for a couple of minutes, barely pausing for breath, and I've not heard anyone reply to her. I'm starting to think she might be one of those nutters that talks to themselves – it's just my luck that she'll be sat next to me on the plane and I'll be forced to drink more than my usual 2 G&Ts to numb out the pain (it's only an hour long flight so more than 2 seems excessive). But then she stops talking and starts whining. Turbo-whining. About everything. Why is the flight delayed? Who can I blame for this? I'm going to miss my train at the other end, why is the weather so bad – it's been like this for a week. It honestly goes on like this for 10 minutes when she comes out with "why are my feet so cold?" 

Now I need to find out if she is a nutter – she's been going on for 10 minutes solid and I've not heard a peep out of anyone else. I turn round to look at her (to give her the British "tut and stare" which is the worst insult we have) – she's sat next to a guy and looking at him (so I presume they are together) and their seats are facing the same way as mine so I can see both their faces when I turn around.  She's not unattractive and she's maybe early 30s – she's got a thick coat on with a scarf wrapped around her neck. Then I look down. She's got jeans on her lower half and she obviously knows it's cold given that she's got fairly sensible clothes on so I look further down to her feet. She's wearing open toed fucking flip-flops. In January where there's been snow on the ground for at least a week, in an airport which are never the warmest places anyway. And she's turbo whining about her feet being cold. 

Now the guy who she's with looks at me because it's obvious that I'm looking at them – he makes eye contact with me and rolls his eyes as if to say "Sorry mate – I've got to listen to this all the way home". I turn away and chuckle at her stupidity and think to myself "If my missus was that daft she'd better be as dirty as sin to make up for it".