When I actually get round to categorising my posts I will definitely be including a "How the fuck are people so fucking stupid" category – this will probably go there. Unless I make a category of "stupidest thing ever said by anyone. Ever. In the entire history of the world. Ever" in which case this will be the sole entry.
It's mid-January and I'm sat in an airport waiting for a flight. Unfortunately it's at one of those airports that has security at the gate – I normally prefer this arrangement rather than centralised security as it means I can turn up for boarding as late as possible and know I'll still be allowed to board as long as I make it in time before security closes up, at most airports with centralised security I have to factor in extra time just in case there's a long queue. But today it's a pain because the flight is delayed and they're not allowing people to leave the secure area post the security checkpoint. The only thing post security is a pretty dull area with just about enough seats for passengers to wait on.
Now anyone who spends a bit of time in airports will probably have noticed that they aren't the most cosy of places to spend an hour or 2 if you're delayed – they are either trying to sell you stuff or get you out of there in as little discomfort as possible. They are also designed practically to keep the place running with the least amount of effort (read time and money) possible. So most airports won't have carpets or any other furnishings that are easily worn out or soiled by the thousands of people who traipse through every day. Check it out next time if you've never noticed it before – most high usage areas will have stone or marble floors rather than carpet. Stone flooring also makes it a bit colder and this actually saves the airport money – most of them have a good deal of glass so airports are notoriously hot and stone flooring helps to cool the place down a bit, saving on air-con costs.
So back to the flight – it's delayed because of bad weather. It's mid-January so it's not uncommon for this time of year – whilst most of mid Europe doesn't get anything like the snowfall and bad weather of the north eastern part of the US it's still pretty common for temperatures to be around freezing and there is still snow on the ground from the last heavy snowfall the previous weekend (it's now Friday). I'm sat down in the holding area and a lady starts talking (at this point I don't know who to as she's behind me). She talks for a couple of minutes, barely pausing for breath, and I've not heard anyone reply to her. I'm starting to think she might be one of those nutters that talks to themselves – it's just my luck that she'll be sat next to me on the plane and I'll be forced to drink more than my usual 2 G&Ts to numb out the pain (it's only an hour long flight so more than 2 seems excessive). But then she stops talking and starts whining. Turbo-whining. About everything. Why is the flight delayed? Who can I blame for this? I'm going to miss my train at the other end, why is the weather so bad – it's been like this for a week. It honestly goes on like this for 10 minutes when she comes out with "why are my feet so cold?"
Now I need to find out if she is a nutter – she's been going on for 10 minutes solid and I've not heard a peep out of anyone else. I turn round to look at her (to give her the British "tut and stare" which is the worst insult we have) – she's sat next to a guy and looking at him (so I presume they are together) and their seats are facing the same way as mine so I can see both their faces when I turn around. She's not unattractive and she's maybe early 30s – she's got a thick coat on with a scarf wrapped around her neck. Then I look down. She's got jeans on her lower half and she obviously knows it's cold given that she's got fairly sensible clothes on so I look further down to her feet. She's wearing open toed fucking flip-flops. In January where there's been snow on the ground for at least a week, in an airport which are never the warmest places anyway. And she's turbo whining about her feet being cold.
Now the guy who she's with looks at me because it's obvious that I'm looking at them – he makes eye contact with me and rolls his eyes as if to say "Sorry mate – I've got to listen to this all the way home". I turn away and chuckle at her stupidity and think to myself "If my missus was that daft she'd better be as dirty as sin to make up for it".