Monday, April 22, 2019

That’s a violation of my 1st Amendment rights

Why is it that when people proclaim to “know their rights” they are generally wrong? And fuckwits. They’re generally fuckwits in the wrong. 

I was sat in an airport lounge waiting for a flight and there’s this utter fuckwit sat about 2 metres behind me having a video call on his mobile – without headphones on and the volume is turned up so the entire room can hear both sides of the conversation. Now these situations are fairly common and it’s normally some jumped up business boy talking about a deal that’s going to see him promoted or get a mega millions bonus and he’s trying to show off to the lounge how important he is because he’s jetting off to sign a deal and he’s definitely really important because he’s flying business class. I’ve overheard quite a few of these and they are usually stupid enough to drop company names into the conversation so given a little google searching I can work out who he works for, what the deal is and whether he should be having this conversation in a public arena (he shouldn’t). I’ve heard of people getting fired when private deal details have been leaked on internet chatrooms due to someone gassing off in public.

But this conversation isn’t about a deal – it’s with his wife, then kids and even time to say hello to the fucking dog. Really – what sort of fuckwit wants the world to know that he video calls his dog? No one in their right mind who has an inkling of common sense that’s who. Which brings us back to the aforementioned fuckwit. Once he’s done with the call he puts some music on, again on speaker without headphones. Or he could be watching cat videos on the internet for all I care. It’s annoying to anyone within a 10 metre radius and he doesn’t seem to understand that for most British people staring and tutting is literally the worst insult we’ve got. Eventually someone asks him to turn it down and he replies that he’s not going to. One of the lounge managers is called over and says that if he doesn’t turn the music down he’s going to ask him to leave – that’s when our fuckwit replies “that’s a violation of my 1st Amendment rights”. WHAT. THE. FUCK?? So Madison et al drafted an Amendment over your right to be a fuckwit in public did they? 

Presumably this fuckwit is insisting on carrying parts of a stuffed bear under his 2nd Amendment rights is he?

Dear god I hope I’m not sat near this tool on the plane – hopefully I’m not even on the same flight otherwise there’s going to be some serious air rage going once I get started on the G&Ts.

I’d had enough at this point as I’d really only popped into the lounge to sort out a ticketing problem and grab a pocketful of candy before my flight (they have some sweets that I used to get in my childhood in this lounge and they provide takeout bags so they are expecting people to take some away). I headed to the British Airways lounge – because this was Heathrow airport. In London. That’s in England. Not America.

So this fuckwit was quoting freedom of speech rights (albeit incorrectly) that apply to Americans. In America. Whilst he’s in a lounge in the UK. That’s after having video called his dog. I half wished he’d continued his rant and that the police were called – they could have given him his Miranda rights about his right to remain silent. And then tasered him. That would have been funny! Certainly funnier than most of the cat videos on You tube anyway!

Dear god when I come to power people like that should be tasered. A lot. Or would fuckwit complain that it was cruel and unusual? I hate it when they hide behind the bill of rights 


  1. You missed a chance to demand reparations for your ancestors who might have been killed due to the treasonous act in the colonies!

    1. Haha. My knowledge of the Declaration of Independence is a bit scratchy so wouldn’t be able quote much - I’m much more au fait with the Amendments to the Constitution. No prizes for guessing that my favourite one is the 21st!!