Monday, April 1, 2019

What sort of lunatic says pockets twos?

Where do these people come from and why do I always seem to run into them? I swear some people can start an argument in an empty room and still be in the wrong.

We're a couple of levels into a small buy in tournament - around the $100 level where I use these as an excuse to spend a couple of hours selflessly improving Mexico's balance of payments account with the US by drinking my entry fee in Corona. But given we're in the first few levels it's probably only 90 minutes since my first beer so I'm nowhere near drunk.

I call a raise from late position holding 2-2 and we're 4 way to a 7 high flop but no 2 to improve my hand. Action checks through, as does the turn and river, again with no 2. No one wants to show their cards and I can't be arsed waiting around so I declare "pocket deuces". To my surprise everyone else mucks and I turn my cards over as the dealer pushes me the pot.

It's at this point our argumentative guy (AG) pipes up "you mis-declared your hand, you said you had aces and that's why I folded" as he does this he tries to retrieve his hand from the muck but there's no way of telling which ones are his and the dealer tells him they can't be retrieved. He then continues moaning that I've mis-declared my hand. I reply that I didn't and the guy next to me corroborates that he heard me say pocket deuces and not aces. This doesn't placate our angry guy who now wants the floor called. 

The floor person listens to what the dealer says and confirms that I should take the pot given that I was the only player to reveal my hand at showdown. 

But AG isn't going to let this go without a fight (for added context the pot was about 2,500 with blinds at 100/200 and a starting stack of 15,000 so it's not a game changing situation to have won or lost this hand), he now starts directing some wrath at me "I think you lied - I definitely heard you say you had pocket aces". Now at this point I've had 3 or 4 beers so I could quite easily just tell him to shut his pie hole but I go into my "super polite" mode as I usually do when I can sense someone is going to start steaming (another story on that here So I just shake my head and take a swig of my beer whilst hoping that's the last of the matter. 

It isn't. AG keeps steaming "That's ridiculous - he can say what he wants and I've been cheated out of the pot". He didn't actually aim this comment at anyone in particular but it's loud enough for the whole table to hear and he continues this for about 5 minutes and it's starting to wind me up. So I ask him "At what stage of that hand did you think I had aces? Was it when I flatted behind 1 caller then checked every street? I know I'm not the greatest player but even I can see that it's not the ideal way to play them". I add in the last remark to try to appease him - we English do self deprecation very well and I'm hoping this shuts him up. It doesn't. 

"Well how am I meant to know how you play? All I know is I heard you say pocket aces" is his gruff reply. 

"That's the issue then isn't it. What you heard and what was actually said are 2 different things. But I do know that your hearing issue is not my problem" I reply. I'm now done with the conversation. I've dealt with enough fuckmuppets that like the sound of their own voice too much during my life and I know that rationality and reason won't ever win. The only possible way this ends is by this twit whining to himself without anyone pouring fuel on his fire by replying. So whatever he says next I'm not going to respond and I'm hoping that eventually he'll blow himself out. 

He continues for a couple of minutes without anyone responding until he ends a sentence with "If you'd just said pocket twos we wouldn't be in this issue and that's what I would have said". 

Now a guy 2 away from me pipes up "What sort of lunatic says pocket twos? Any poker player will always call them deuces. The only person who'd say twos is probably the sort to fold without seeing their opponent's cards then spend half an hour whining about their own mistake. That's who". 

Cue howls of laughter from the rest of the table as the AG has now been truly put back in his box and we didn't hear a peep out of him for the rest of the afternoon. 

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