Saturday, November 17, 2018

A Freudian Slip

A version of this was originally published as my guest post on

Most of my interactions at the poker table are pretty banal. But occasionally I get a decent story about something interesting or amusing said at the table and as long as I’ve not overdone it on the beers I get to write something up. It’s mostly other players who give me something to write about though - until now. It involves a dealer saying something to another player which goes straight into the top 3 funniest things ever said by anyone, ever. 

This particular evening I had the best seat in the house. I’m sat in seat 4 at a fairly decent game and doing relatively well – I’m probably up around $200 from my initial $300 buy in over a couple of hours. The waitress service is also pretty good tonight and I’m getting through my fair share of beers. But neither of these are the reasons that I’m in the best seat in the house. That reason is the lady in seat 1 – she’s running well and she’s a very competent player. She’s maybe early 30s and has a very good figure. She’s also not overly chatty and doesn’t seem to be with anyone else at this table. I really don’t like it when there’s a couple of friends chatting through the table – if you want to chat with your friend then sit next to each other and not in seats 2 & 7 which means you have to talk through the entire table. But anyway – I digress.

Did I mention this lady has enormous boobs and a very low cut, tight, top on? Well I have now. And every time this lady leans over to the betting line to place chips her top rides a tiny bit lower on those aforementioned enormous boobs. So I’ve had some beers, I’m winning some chips and I’ve got a pretty lady with enormous boobs to look at which is making for a very enjoyable evening. The dealer can see me admiring the lady and is taking the opportunity to check her out as he spins his head to keep up with the action. We’ve exchanged knowing glances with each other that acknowledge that we’ve both clocked each other checking the lady out.  

So it’s a major disappointment when this lady announces that she’s leaving the table after the next hand (she’ll be UTG) and she starts to rack her chips up as the cards are dealt. I get another decent sight as she leans towards the betting line to make a raise (I think to $8 but I’m not sure), it folds round to me and I fold, guy on my left in the 5 seat 3 bets to $25 and the button announces all in for around $80. Now the action is back on our top heavy lovely. She asks the guy to my left how much he has - $180 or so after his raise. She announces all in and the guy to my left snap calls. Button shows KK and says he thinks he must be behind, lady shows AA and the 5 seat doesn’t show.

Flop is something like Q high. 5 seat announces nice hand and mucks without showing (he later says he had KK which I’ve got no reason to doubt). The dealer pushes the pot to the lady and asks if she’s still leaving. She says she is and the dealer asks “Are you going to need a bigger rack” immediately correcting himself by saying “are you going to need another rack?” Too late though as I’ve already laughed beer out of my nose. The lady either doesn’t notice his faux pas or just ignores it and replies that she does. She racks up without further comment and leaves.

As soon as she’s out of earshot I burst out laughing and the dealer does the same – I tell him that’s it a shame that she left as she was much easier on the eye than the rest of the middle aged men at the table. He laughs and says he doesn’t know what I saw in her and that he’d barely noticed her.  

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