That’s a violation of my 1st Amendment rights

Why is it that when people proclaim to “know their rights” they are generally wrong? And fuckwits. They’re generally fuckwits in the wrong. 

I was sat in an airport lounge waiting for a flight and there’s this utter fuckwit sat about 2 metres behind me having a video call on his mobile – without headphones on and the volume is turned up so the entire room can hear both sides of the conversation. Now these situations are fairly common and it’s normally some jumped up business boy talking about a deal that’s going to see him promoted or get a mega millions bonus and he’s trying to show off to the lounge how important he is because he’s jetting off to sign a deal and he’s definitely really important because he’s flying business class. I’ve overheard quite a few of these and they are usually stupid enough to drop company names into the conversation so given a little google searching I can work out who he works for, what the deal is and whether he should be having this conversation in a public arena (he shouldn’t). I’ve heard of people getting fired when private deal details have been leaked on internet chatrooms due to someone gassing off in public.

But this conversation isn’t about a deal – it’s with his wife, then kids and even time to say hello to the fucking dog. Really – what sort of fuckwit wants the world to know that he video calls his dog? No one in their right mind who has an inkling of common sense that’s who. Which brings us back to the aforementioned fuckwit. Once he’s done with the call he puts some music on, again on speaker without headphones. Or he could be watching cat videos on the internet for all I care. It’s annoying to anyone within a 10 metre radius and he doesn’t seem to understand that for most British people staring and tutting is literally the worst insult we’ve got. Eventually someone asks him to turn it down and he replies that he’s not going to. One of the lounge managers is called over and says that if he doesn’t turn the music down he’s going to ask him to leave – that’s when our fuckwit replies “that’s a violation of my 1st Amendment rights”. WHAT. THE. FUCK?? So Madison et al drafted an Amendment over your right to be a fuckwit in public did they? 

Presumably this fuckwit is insisting on carrying parts of a stuffed bear under his 2nd Amendment rights is he? https://www.youtube.com/?v=MXrNj3t6Vxo

Dear god I hope I’m not sat near this tool on the plane – hopefully I’m not even on the same flight otherwise there’s going to be some serious air rage going once I get started on the G&Ts.

I’d had enough at this point as I’d really only popped into the lounge to sort out a ticketing problem and grab a pocketful of candy before my flight (they have some sweets that I used to get in my childhood in this lounge and they provide takeout bags so they are expecting people to take some away). I headed to the British Airways lounge – because this was Heathrow airport. In London. That’s in England. Not America.

So this fuckwit was quoting freedom of speech rights (albeit incorrectly) that apply to Americans. In America. Whilst he’s in a lounge in the UK. That’s after having video called his dog. I half wished he’d continued his rant and that the police were called – they could have given him his Miranda rights about his right to remain silent. And then tasered him. That would have been funny! Certainly funnier than most of the cat videos on You tube anyway!

Dear god when I come to power people like that should be tasered. A lot. Or would fuckwit complain that it was cruel and unusual? I hate it when they hide behind the bill of rights https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLCA4PrpfnE 

Everyone wants to brag about their first time

It was dark, you could feel the excitement in the air. I'd had a lot to drink and I'd been waiting for this moment for my whole life. It's a rite of passage that sometimes happens early but there must be some people who go through life just waiting for it to happen. And it was my time. Unfortunately it was all over in a couple of minutes but they were some of the best minutes of my life and I'll never forget them. I'd popped my cherry.

But get your minds out of the gutter as this has nothing to do with what you're thinking about - It's actually about poker.

I'm quite a few beers deep and am at a very decent game where the chips are flying around the table so fast my head is spinning. Luckily the beer is making my head spin the other way so I'm perfectly compus mentis.

I raise from late position with Q-10 of clubs and get 4 callers - both blinds and the original MP limper. Flop comes Ac-Kd-Jc. Oh my god as I flop the nuts with a redraw and the BB leads out for $35 which is called before getting to me. But what to do now? A call will probably entice the SB to call but if I raise I'm effectively playing my hand face up. So I elect to call. Unfortunately the SB folds but the turn is utterly perfect - King of clubs. Some wee has definitely come out now I'm that excited and I try my best to look impassively at the table.

BB now leads for $75, it folds to me and I min raise to $150. The reasons I do this are another club potentially kills any action, we're both pretty deepstacked at $700 or so apiece and this guy is never folding a min raise unless he's got complete air - in which case he won't put another penny in on the river. He thinks about it for a minute or so before shoving. More wee has come out and I snap call faster than the speed of light. He asks if his King is any good. As if it is when I've effectively broken the laws of physics with the speed of my call. I tell him he's drawing dead as I flip over my cards. The meaningless river is dealt (from what I could tell this guy didn't have a full house) and the dealer pushes me the pot.

I'm stunned.

I've been playing poker over 10 years and I've never had a Royal Flush before - I throw the dealer $10 (far more than I'd usually tip at a $1/$3 game and just sit there for a couple of minutes, happy with myself for finally getting it done. I almost wish I smoked so I could sit back and savour the moment.

How long had you been playing before you hit your first Royal Flush?

What sort of lunatic says pockets twos?

Where do these people come from and why do I always seem to run into them? I swear some people can start an argument in an empty room and still be in the wrong.

We're a couple of levels into a small buy in tournament - around the $100 level where I use these as an excuse to spend a couple of hours selflessly improving Mexico's balance of payments account with the US by drinking my entry fee in Corona. But given we're in the first few levels it's probably only 90 minutes since my first beer so I'm nowhere near drunk.

I call a raise from late position holding 2-2 and we're 4 way to a 7 high flop but no 2 to improve my hand. Action checks through, as does the turn and river, again with no 2. No one wants to show their cards and I can't be arsed waiting around so I declare "pocket deuces". To my surprise everyone else mucks and I turn my cards over as the dealer pushes me the pot.

It's at this point our argumentative guy (AG) pipes up "you mis-declared your hand, you said you had aces and that's why I folded" as he does this he tries to retrieve his hand from the muck but there's no way of telling which ones are his and the dealer tells him they can't be retrieved. He then continues moaning that I've mis-declared my hand. I reply that I didn't and the guy next to me corroborates that he heard me say pocket deuces and not aces. This doesn't placate our angry guy who now wants the floor called. 

The floor person listens to what the dealer says and confirms that I should take the pot given that I was the only player to reveal my hand at showdown. 

But AG isn't going to let this go without a fight (for added context the pot was about 2,500 with blinds at 100/200 and a starting stack of 15,000 so it's not a game changing situation to have won or lost this hand), he now starts directing some wrath at me "I think you lied - I definitely heard you say you had pocket aces". Now at this point I've had 3 or 4 beers so I could quite easily just tell him to shut his pie hole but I go into my "super polite" mode as I usually do when I can sense someone is going to start steaming (another story on that here https://ayecarambapoker.blogspot.com/2018/08/why-are-you-even-in-insert-expletive.html?m=1). So I just shake my head and take a swig of my beer whilst hoping that's the last of the matter. 

It isn't. AG keeps steaming "That's ridiculous - he can say what he wants and I've been cheated out of the pot". He didn't actually aim this comment at anyone in particular but it's loud enough for the whole table to hear and he continues this for about 5 minutes and it's starting to wind me up. So I ask him "At what stage of that hand did you think I had aces? Was it when I flatted behind 1 caller then checked every street? I know I'm not the greatest player but even I can see that it's not the ideal way to play them". I add in the last remark to try to appease him - we English do self deprecation very well and I'm hoping this shuts him up. It doesn't. 

"Well how am I meant to know how you play? All I know is I heard you say pocket aces" is his gruff reply. 

"That's the issue then isn't it. What you heard and what was actually said are 2 different things. But I do know that your hearing issue is not my problem" I reply. I'm now done with the conversation. I've dealt with enough fuckmuppets that like the sound of their own voice too much during my life and I know that rationality and reason won't ever win. The only possible way this ends is by this twit whining to himself without anyone pouring fuel on his fire by replying. So whatever he says next I'm not going to respond and I'm hoping that eventually he'll blow himself out. 

He continues for a couple of minutes without anyone responding until he ends a sentence with "If you'd just said pocket twos we wouldn't be in this issue and that's what I would have said". 

Now a guy 2 away from me pipes up "What sort of lunatic says pocket twos? Any poker player will always call them deuces. The only person who'd say twos is probably the sort to fold without seeing their opponent's cards then spend half an hour whining about their own mistake. That's who". 

Cue howls of laughter from the rest of the table as the AG has now been truly put back in his box and we didn't hear a peep out of him for the rest of the afternoon. 

Poker is a subjective game

I’ve posted previously (https://ayecarambapoker.blogspot.com/2018/07/being-accused-of-soft-play.html?m=1) about getting involved in an argument when I was accused of soft playing – essentially I had but not deliberately and it didn’t affect the outcome of the hand or how much was in the pot but I was warned not to do it again.

But I like it that players are encouraged to correct obvious mistakes – we’ve all misread our hand or the board at some time and it’s an easy mistake to make. Sometimes even the poker greats do it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovoAQChfF5s. In Phil’s case he didn’t table his hand but if he had and declared a pair of 8s another player (or even the dealer) should correct him by saying he had a flush.

But poker is a very subjective game – what you or I might think of as a ratshit hand might be good enough for a crazy loon to call an all in with (6-10 suited for instance – which won, not that I’m still bitter obviously!) https://ayecarambapoker.blogspot.com/2018/09/does-dog-know-its-dog-does-donk-know.html?m=1 – but this subjectivity becomes irrelevant when determining the winning hand when all hands are face up and anyone can objectively determine the best hand. And the nuts (or the best hand possible) can always be determined objectively without any hole cards being face up. But wait – the nuts is subjective as well. My version of the nuts might differ from yours.

I’m a couple of hours into a fairly boring session, there’s not been a real action player at the table since I sat down and it’s rare to see a decent sized pot. But the waitress service is surprisingly good and I’m quite a few beers deep, but not deep enough to be drunk. I look down at K-10 suited on the button and raise after a few limps (K-10 suited in position is my favourite hand – it’s the hand I held when I won my first tournament although I actually liked it before then. I usually wouldn’t call a decent player’s raise with it and it’s very easy to get away from post flop if it doesn’t improve. It’s a hand that you shouldn’t lose a lot of money with, unlike AA or KK for instance – how many times have you lost a buy in with those rags?) So anyway – back to the hand.

The BB 3 bets – this is pretty unusual at this table but what surprises me more is that 3 of the limpers call (I think 4 or 5 had limped) so I call (as an aside I really find it strange when people do this – your hand is suddenly worth $30 calling a 3 bet but wasn’t worth slightly more than $2 when you limped?). I know I’m behind but I can get away on the flop unless I hit something big. So we’re 5 to a flop with $150ish in the pot which is pretty big already for tonight’s standards. The flop comes K-10-2. BB bets $45 and it’s folded round to me. Before I act I need to work out what the BB has – I don’t recall a 3 bet before from him so I can’t put him on a set of 2s, 10s and Kings are unlikely given what I hold albeit I can’t rule them out completely but I think he’s more likely to hold JJ, QQ, AA or AK. If he’s got JJ or QQ and I raise then he folds but he’s probably calling with the other hands I put him on so I just call to see what he does on the turn which is another K. This rules out him holding KK so if he bets I’m thinking AA, AK or 10-10 albeit the latter is the least likely option. He bets $75. Given there is already $240 in the pot this is a bit fishy – it smells of weakness (so he’s more likely now to hold AA and be worried that I’ve got a King) and I’m thinking that a raise here goes uncalled – we both started the hand with around $350 so he’s got $200 behind. He can probably get away here if I raise so I just call. River is a low blank and there’s no flush possible. BB now checks and I’m glad I didn’t raise the turn but I want to get a call to any bet so I size it fairly small – almost small enough that looks like a weak bluff if he wants to come over the top to rebluff me though. So I bet $50 into $390. He thinks about it for a minute or so before announcing call and sliding some chips out. I announce “I’ve got the nuts” as I turn over my cards and he mucks without commenting. Dealer announces “Kings full of 10s wins” and pushes me the pot.

Now the guy to my immediate left (who was the SB last hand but had folded to my bet preflop) chimes in with “You don’t have the nuts, you declared the nuts but you don’t have it”. “Yes I do” I reply. “No you don’t” he comes back with. This is starting to sound like a fucking pantomime now “Oh no it isn’t!!”

“Ok – what’s the nuts then?” I ask the SB. “4 kings” he replies smugly. “4 kings would be the nuts and would have beaten you” he continues. 

“How could anyone possibly have 4 kings though if I’ve got one of them? There’s no hand that’s possibly beating me so I’ve got the nuts.” As an aside it’s a fairly common occurrence for a flush to be possible on a paired board – obviously quads is the nuts, then a house but would someone announcing “nut flush” get this hassle if this guy was at the table? Maybe I should have announced “second nuts but you can’t possibly have the nuts unless we’ve got a deck with 5 kings in it”? 

Now the guy seems to get it and he tells me he sees what I mean – I told him my view of reality is different to his and we had a chuckle but what I actually meant is that poker is a very subjective game – apart from 6-10 suited, that’s still ratshit and I’m still not over it!!

Can you put your chips over the line?

Quite a few casinos have a betting line on their poker tables – I like it so much that I really dislike those that don’t. It adds clarity to the game and it’s good at preventing string bets and ambiguity when a player has chips in his hands - one of my bugbears is someone having a handful of chips (presumably to intimidate through bet sizing) and “pump faking” before dropping only a couple in front of him. 

There’s effectively no good reason not to have one.

I’m in a 1/2 game in a casino that has such a line and I’m running pretty well. I’ve probably played more than 1/3rd of the hands in the last hour or so as I’m been getting cards and catching flops when I needed to. I’m probably sat at $550 from a $300 buy in. 

I’m in MP and look down at AA. Pretty good considering. I raise to $15 (would normally raise less but given how good I’m running and my table image looking loose I want to look loose) and get given no respect by getting calls from the cut-off, button and BB. Wish I’d raised more now. Flop comes down AKK. Dear god I hope someone’s got a part of this. BB leads out for $25 (he has about $250 behind). I call hoping that someone else has hit but the C/O and button fold. River is a blank and BB bets $50 – only hand I’m behind is KK but I’m pretty sure this guy would not have flat called with KK to my pre flop action so I call. Turn is not a K so I’m home and hosed – BB leads out for $100. I Hollywood for a minute before asking how much he has – he says about $100 and the dealer counts $113 so I announce all in. 

BB then tanks and says I’ve not put chips over the line – the dealer had already thrown the all in button in front of me so there’s no confusion over action. He says he wants to see chips over the line. I really can’t be arsed to argue so I slide out 2 stacks of red, 2 extra and 3 singles over the line. As soon as my fingers are off the chips he announces call and flips over K-J for a rivered full house. I insta turn and scoop the pot.

I found his insistence of me moving chips over the line a bit weird – there is no confusion as I’ve announced all in rather than a number, the dealer has put the button in front of me and I’ve quite obviously got him covered (as an aside I hate the phrase “I put you all in”, it’s impossible to put another player all in but some players use this phrase all the time). I’ve never seen it before or since. If it makes any difference he was probably mid 50s or so.

Anyone ever seen this before?

I’m off to the Aria as there’s more action there

It’s the oldest joke in gambling. How do you make a bunch of old ladies say “fuck”? Get another old lady to shout bingo! It’s similar in poker – when the designated ATM stops paying out then the rest of the table gets a little annoyed (I would say pissed but we Brits use that to designate drunk, if we say pissed off it’s annoyed but just pissed equals drunk).

Now this guy wasn’t your standard ATM – normally these guys bet 4 streets whether they are ahead or behind but this guy was different. In about 2 hours I don’t recall him making an aggressive move preflop so all he was doing was representing a decent hand post flop if he’d caught any of the flop. Every, single, time. Which was funny for all concerned. Except maybe for him, or his bank manager. Now I have no idea why he thought it was a good strategy as in a multi-way limped or single raised preflop pot it’s so unlikely for this to work that even a donk like me would work him out. 

He’d been doing this for about an hour and had rebought 2 or 3 times when I look down at J-10 off in the BB. There’s been a raise in EP and I think I was last to act so I called – maybe a 5 or 6 way pot (including the aforementioned ATM). Flop comes down as J-J-10. Fucking lovely. I check, original raiser checks and ATM bets $20. Couple of folds rounds to me and I call and the original raiser calls. River is the case J which I’m quite annoyed about as if ATM has actually got any sense then he’s going to slow down. He doesn’t. I check as does the original raiser and the ATM bets $45. Thinking I can’t check call then expect a call to a bet on the river I raise the minimum and the ATM calls after the original raiser has folded. Not even concerned what the river is but what do I do here – a bet possibly goes uncalled but even a complete cretin would check behind given I’ve called the flop then check raised the turn. So I really have to bet. So I lead with about $45 and the ATM wastes no time in shoving which I obviously call – he tables A-10. Bless him! He looks bemused when I turn my hand over – almost as if he understands what’s going on. But I really don’t think he does. 

He continues to do this for at least another hour (he’s probably rebought about 7 or 8 times in total since sitting down but now he’s sat on a stack of around $700 and I’ve got slightly more) until 1 more hand that I get involved with. I raise UTG with QQ and it’s 3 (or maybe 4) way to a flop of Q-10-10 (2 diamonds). 

I check and ATM bets $20, folds round to me and I raise to $60 which is called. The only reason I bet here is to build a pot as he’s either got nothing and folding, or calling with something worse – even this twit is not getting a few hundred bucks in for a pot of $50 if he’s got air. The river is 6d and I bet $80, ATM thinks for a bit then shoves. I instacall and ATM turns over 10d-7d for a flush with trips on the side. Bless his little cotton socks. I turn my hand over and the river is no help.

He’s huffing and puffing and checking his phone and now announces that “I’m off to the Aria as there’s more action there”. Anyone who has been at this table for more than 30 minutes starts laughing – how can this clown expect to actually make money at the Aria when he’s failed spectacularly at the MGM? Now I like the MGM (particularly because I usually stay in the Signature which is a 10 minute drunken stumble from the poker room) but it’s certainly one of the softer games on the strip and this twit will get eaten alive if he steps foot in the Aria. He’s either very deluded or has got very unlucky and I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t the latter

Seeing your opponent’s cards – what would you do?

Prior to this particular hand I’d been having a fairly forgettable session – nothing overly good or bad had happened in about an hour or so since I’d sat down and I was hovering around my initial buy in level. I was sat next to a nice guy on my right and we’d been having a few beers and a chat about both our travels – he was due to visit London soon and I’d been giving him some pointers for a first time tourist.

I don’t remember the specific details pre flop but I was in the BB with A-10 off. I think I called a bet from UTG+1 which had also been called by 2 other players – including the SB on my right. The flop comes out 10-10-2. SB bets and I call, the original raiser calls and the other player folds. Turn is a 5 which brings 2 diamonds on the board. SB bets, I raise, original raiser folds and the SB looks at his cards before calling. When he looked at his cards he accidentally exposed one of them to me – not on purpose and it was only the briefest of flashes that no one else could have seen it or even realised that I’d seen it. It was a black K. This guy was a decent enough player that he’s not called from the SB with KK, he’s not calling my raise on the turn with A-K so the only other hand he can have is K-10 – which figures given his post flop action. The turn is an 8 – not a diamond so there’s no flush or straight possible to represent. SB leads out about 30% of the pot – what do you do here knowing that you’re good?

I decided to use a couple of factors before making my decision:

He was a relatively nice guy – sure I’d only just met him but I always think that someone’s persona at the poker table is actually a pretty good mirror of their true character. Sure people can act aggressive with chips but those who win with grace and lose with humility are those I like to be around. Someone who berates his opponent whether he’s won or lost at the poker table is probably a jerk away from the poker table too. If this guy had been a jerk I’d have raised.

He could afford to lose the money – basically anyone at the table should be prepared to lose their chips but this guy had told me what he did and losing another $100 or so would have been inconsequential. Not that I’d not raise if he told me that he needed the winnings to buy a hot dinner for freezing orphans.

What if I’d not seen his card – I’d already raised on the turn before I saw his card. Another raise here doesn’t look suspicious and I’m probably getting a call.

In the end I just called – I tried to play the hand out as if I’d not seen his card and I wouldn’t usually raise in that position just with trips albeit a strong kicker, there’s too many SB limped hands that “could” have made a full house albeit I knew he didn’t have one. He turns over K-10 and asks about my kicker. He says “nice hand” with genuine sincerity and we get back to chatting as if nothing has happened